we defend ourselves (from deleted myspace acct)

i've decided to agree
that bitterness rots the bones
still my heart screams
"but it's such a comfort when you're alone!"

we defend ourselves:
remember how
i lost count after
the millionth smoky breath?

and remember how
i forgave
the millionth death
you caused
.i.n.s.i.d.e. myself?

and when i said "it's time for forever."
you made me scratch the surface
for a clue to your doubt?

and he said
"baby, we're not ready. we dont know what life's about."

this was the beginning of the end

have you ever felt so heavy inside?
turned inside out
like the only black hole in the entire world?
unraveled
and stretched across the sky
with no hands
cause the ones you knew
flew away
long ago?

we defend ourselves:
now we live in this world
uncovered and all alone
the garden burned away
and i ran to him
but he was not home