years ago, i heard someone say, "if you say you're bored, then you, yourself, are probably boring." ive always found this to be interesting. and true.
i have been quite bored (or boring) lately. in this cute little historic town of lexington, virginia, i fill my days with random errands. buying food. cleaning behind jake. studying for school. unpacking. job hunting. going on interviews. texting. thinking about running...and its been fine....so far.
ive been here for about 2mos or so and now i am simply bored. maybe its bc i dont have a job. maybe its bc i havent made any friends.
maybe its bc i have absolutely no reciprocity in the relationship-entertainment department. for example: the other day i dressed up in 1 of 2 corsets that i purchased in italy. i cooked dinner. i got slighly buzzed, messed up my hair, threw on some heels and when jake came home, i was a sexy house wife hellion for him. at first he was taken aback and i felt powerful. we did what the outfit was intended for, then we ate, and then................................................he fell asleep...................................
now granted, he works long, hard days and i understand that. i do not take this for granted bc he has gotten me thru this summer. until today, i havent had to pay a lick of rent since ive been here and i havent touched an ounce of the utility bills. so im not complaining about the support.
but i intended to spice things up between us and he took what he could from it and was "gone." literally. gone enough to put me off from getting fancy like that again. what's the point? when i didnt do it, he atleast stayed up all day and kept me entertained. i do it for a change of pace and am left bored all day. right the way i was when he wasnt there.
soooooooooo: i feel like ive just figured out my own problem. (love when that happens) im gonna do what i did today and stay busy all day. stay out of the house all day. not be here when he gets home. see how he likes them apples. ha!
of course, i am not vindictive. thats ridiculous and a waste of energy. but i feel like im carrying alot of this relationship as far as the creative aspect goes. and its getting tiresome. so im gonna focus more on things that i enjoy instead of trying to keep it interesting around here. bc apparently, its not necessary.
i also need to make friends but i tend to make guy friends alot easier. and i feel like jake wouldnt want a bunch of guys hanging around the house with me. so im trying to be respectful. but im getting desperate and as i always say...desperate times....hmmm.
i guess we will see what happens. our friendship was great. the first 3mos were great. and now it seems that the honey moon is over.
like i said, we will see.
<3
No comments:
Post a Comment